|like a church- but for BOOKS|
|St Mungo's Cathedral, Glasgow|
|bagpipers playing at the Monte Carlo thingy|
|Canada's portrayal on the ceramic fountain|
|University of Glasgow- I MUST go there|
|St. Giles Cathedral|
|on top of Calton Hill|
|Calton Hill view towards Edinburgh Castle|
|View towards Arthur's Seat|
|Climbing down from the very windy Arthur's Seat|
|St. Anthony's Chapel and Arthur's Seat|
I should be sending my thesis in to the printers tomorrow but I'm not done. I basically ignored it and my supervisor until mid-April and then started panicking. I felt that I either had to complete it or entirely complete. I've been dreaming about what I could do once this is finished so much I'd rather do that then actually finish it. My sanity has suffered from being constantly surrounded by these slightly blue-tinged walls and my ass has suffered from the hour in this uncomfortable chair. I became entirely anti-social and even anxious to leave my room. There were times when I'd leave this room only once a week for a short grocery trip and then retreat back to my hole. I always justified it by saying that if I was at home I could easily start doing work but then I never would. The gorgeous sunny weather we had in April seemed like it was taunting me- I should have just gone out but nope. So on top of that and the laziness was the daydreaming.
I made a post relating to this in the past but I just realized I actually have a mental 'thing'. I really don't know what to call it a condition perhaps called Maladaptive Daydreaming and while I only discovered the name of it last month I've been doing it all my life. Dr. Eli Somer wrote that: Maladaptive daydreaming (MD) is extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning. ... Identified MD functions included Disengagement from Stress and Pain by Mood Enhancement and Wish Fulfillment Fantasies; and Companionship, Intimacy, and Soothing. Recurrent MD themes were Violence; Idealized Self; Power and Control; Captivity; Rescue and Escape; and Sexual Arousal. Motifs that were classified as describing MD dynamics were Onset and Kinesthetic elements. Although MD seemed to have been preceded by a normal childhood propensity for creative imagination, aversive circumstances were seen to have contributed to the development of MD.
Daydreaming excessively in a way that is often compared to an addiction. yep
This excessive daydreaming often begins in childhood. yep
Books, movies, music, video games, and other media may be a daydreaming trigger. oh yep
The daydreaming itself is often detailed and elaborate, sometimes compared to a movie or novel. most definitelyRepetitive movements while daydreaming are common (but not always present in sufferers) - pacing, rocking, spinning, shaking something in their hand, etc. nope
They may sometimes talk, laugh, cry, gesture, or make facial expressions as they daydream. People suffering from this know the difference between daydreaming and reality, and do not confuse the two; this makes them distinctly different from psychotics or schizophrenics. yep
Some people will lie in bed for hours daydreaming, and may either have difficulty going to sleep because of this, or have difficulty getting out of bed once awake. They may also neglect basic functions such as regular meals, etc. because of excessive daydreaming. yep
I've read some stuff on it but should read more but it's just so freaky because the more I read the more of a "What? no, that's me, why are they describing me so much?' It's scary how exactly they describe so much of my life. The few exceptions are that some say it's in response to abuse and I've never been abused (though I guess it's possible that my brother's death started it as I can't remember exactly when I started) and the other is that it is often accompanied by a repetitive motion and I don't do that. So mix my laziness and tendency to procrastinate with a mental condition that means I enjoy spending hours upon hours making shit up in my head is a recipe for not accomplishing much at all.
I have decided that I'm taking an extra semester to finish my thesis but due to financial concerns and a need for some sort of change I'll be doing it from home. I'm leaving the beautiful Oslo for crappy Mississauga, Canada. While there will be definite negative adjustments like the city's terrible public transportation system, finding a job, and sharing a house with my parents again I'm focusing so much more on the things I've been missing and am greatly looking forward to. I really am excited. The thesis is now due in November and I don't plan on staying at home much longer than that. Maybe a year or however long it takes to get my driver's and motorcycle licenses. And then it'll be off to the real adventures.
I'm leaving May 24th and until then I'll be reading and enjoying the forests and amazing scenery while it's on my doorstep.
|partially frozen pond in Nordmarka|